There really is something spectacular about being 15,000 feet in the air, descending rapidly and then floating towards the earth, taking in the view and feeling like you are on top of the world as you literally are.

I had always wanted to do a skydive but (a) never managed to do it and (b) find others as silly as me to do it with. It just so happened that on this occasion I could meet both of those requirements so here we are, taking a a ride to a remote airfield just out of Queenstown with a very nervous looking bunch of people ready to jump out of a perfectly good airplane from a height that, dare I say it, if anything went wrong there would be nothing that could be done.

Pays not to think too much about terminal velocity and hitting the ground before skydiving, maybe after, but then it is in all reality one of the safer extreme sports you could do with very few accidents ever.

I wasn't nervous at all, well maybe for a split second when we were right up in the air about to jump, but not on the ground, not on the way up and the only thing I could think of when touching down on the ground was when I could head back up again to do another jump.

I would recommend skydiving to anyone, regardless of age or any inhibiting factors, the view was breathtaking and touchdown silky smooth. New Zealand and in fact Queenstown is def one of the best places to do this, I love this country for its untouched beautiful landscapes and clean fresh feel something I miss when I am not here.

Here is the video

I have wanted to write this for a while but wasn’t really sure how something like this would be received. It’s a story of me and how I got to the point I am at now in life. Sometimes a public face and a private life are two very different things and can be worlds apart.

I can’t complain about a bad upbringing, my parents were very good to me, they gave me every chance in life and I know they will always be there for me. I see myself as relatively intelligent and outgoing yet there are still some things I cannot control, I don’t know exactly what gets me down most of the time but sometimes things just get a bit much to deal with and I find myself in a bad place trying desperately to get out of. Some people turn to alcohol, drugs or gambling, I turn to the gym.

For me coming out was a long process, it didn’t happen overnight, it took many years and in some respects it was because I didn’t see myself fitting a generic stereotype and I had nothing to compare with growing up in a small town either. I finally managed it all be it a little later on in life than most people these days but things were and are still missing from my life.

After a break up from a relationship a few years back which for me was meant to be ‘the relationship’ I hit about rock bottom, you can’t even imagine the pain in finding out someone who you thought loved you cheated on you from 19,000km away and was already in a relationship with someone else, cutting off all messaging and contact instantly, it was as if they had died but still occupied a space in your head just to make you think about them, a gradual shift or decline in something is manageable but an instant change like shock treatment can do a lot of damage and take a while to fix. This is when I decided or probably more needed change in my life.

I saw a competition advertised for the New Zealand Aids Foundation requiring guys for a dating website they were marketing called Broonline. I had had no prior experience modeling and I wasn’t sure I would even make the cut but thought I would give it a go anyway, it was something I could do to keep my mind busy, to concentrate on and to give me focus for the time being anyway and if I did make it, which I did, it would give me some confidence back.

The next couple of years went very quick and I decided to stick with the thing that was making me happy and giving me some confidence back, I knew I was not ready for a relationship again but wounds heal over time and you suddenly become whole again, as a person and as an individual, back to having ‘my identity’. By this stage I had joined the board of Qtopia, a gay youth group in Christchurch hoping to give back something for all the love and happiness I had received when I needed it most from people within the community, I enjoyed getting involved in events with some strong influences from friends in this area and more so recently with the UpRising Trust.

A few months later The Mr Gay New Zealand competition was advertised, thinking this would be a great platform to extend on what I had already done I entered by submitting a bio and some pictures of myself. Having had time to train and enough drive I got my body into a place where I felt comfortable enough to enter. I entered and a year and a half down the track this is where I am today.

I still find myself from time to time in a bad place, but life is not perfect and unfortunately we cannot control how we feel sometimes but finding ways and means of coping gives us a way forward to continue. For me this is primarily the gym but also my close friends and the community that seems to be growing stronger by the day.

I value above all else the people that I have in my life and have in particular been lucky enough to meet some of the most amazing people in the world over the last few years, I have a few close friends here in Christchurch who know me well and have been there for me when I have needed them most.

For me training is what gets me back on my feet and where I need to be, it gives me strength to continue on, the time out by myself to think, and is a way of turning the negative into the positive. Some say it can be an obsession, I have been called all sorts of things recently but to those people the only thing I can say is to me it is a life saver. To you an apple may be a snack or a piece of fruit, but to a starving child it may be the only thing they get to eat for a while, to each individual different things have a different meaning or purpose and I don’t think you can judge a person because of what they do if it doesn’t impede on anyone else.

Music is probably one of the most important tools for me to zone out at the gym and I enjoy emotive songs that let me live momentarily in a world at peace, here are a couple from my current playlist, the first I really love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_pGjbnzlPw

the second to me is quite possible the most beautiful song, one that I would one day like played at my wedding.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxYw0XPEoKE

I look forward to future now and the journey ahead and always look back at my motto ‘Take everything that life throws at you, never be afraid of challenges or change, accept the bad times with the good and grow with every interaction you make’

This is me, know this and you know me x

February 22nd 2011...It started out like today, a day like no other, weather was mild and I had just moved into a new flat on the weekend prior. I decided to drive to work that day even though I could have walked as I had an appointment around 2pm to drive to. I was in a great mood and planning my day in my head as I went to work. I started accounts work for the prior month and new exactly where I was and when I was going to finish them, everything was on schedule, at least till 12.51pm.

It's amazing how in an instant your life and the lives of many others can change, nothing will ever be the same again and nor would I want it to be, our minds adapt in a defensive mode to try and mask the pain and grief we are going through yet we still think that at any minute we will wake up from what we consider at the time must be a horrible nightmare.

I remember clearly the events following the earthquake and will never forget the sheer lateral force in which the earth moved on what should have been a routine work day. Shaking and pulling myself together directly after I remember yelling at a petrified staff member to move and get out of the building we occupied through fear of collapse, wading out into the street, peering through a wall of dust and into a park which now resembled more of a sandpit than anything else. It was such an airy feeling, everything was now still, momentarily giving me a second to reflect on what had happened before being joined by hundreds of misplaced and in shock people.

As the dust settled I could see no spire on the cathedral any longer, there were bricks in the road and people yelling for help, it was now apparent that this was not just another earthquake but a life changing event.

I remember looking at the PGG building in disbelief still seeing the floor separation at the lift shaft end while seeing no more than rubble at the other, but by far the worst moment was seeing no more than a pile of concrete and debris that once formed the ctv building.

Latimer Square was a makeshift triage by this time, with constant aftershocks and the rustling of trees it was a very airy feeling. Between flashing lights, screams for help, people running, in a panic and the feeling of being completely alone while still surrounded by hundreds of people all that was flowing through my mind was the people I knew, where they would be and wondering if they were ok. I was looking all around in sheer distress by this stage from one side to the other and back again, not knowing where to look or what to do.

The memories of this day will forever stay with me, clear as when they first happened and each time I think about it the attached emotion returns. These are the kind of things that define us, they make us stronger, they are challenges, they are a part of living, and this is life!